Namaste 2012

Happy 2012 everyone, welcome to another year of your life. I was blessed with an amazing year in 2011 and as a direct result I neglected my blog. The blog title, Broken Plateau, is full of meaning and started out as a place of pain and discomfort.

When  I began the blog in June 2010, I was on a journey. My life as I knew it had come to an end. The person who I thought I was disappeared and I was forced to stare the core of who I am in the face. I was forced with two options, create a new ME or sit back in all of my discomfort to wait and see who was really inside under the collection of creations. Of course option one would have been the easiest, and I honestly contemplated this option. My reason for not going this route simply was, I didn't know who I wanted to become. I didn't have an idol, a mentor, or a favorite cartoon character...there was no one who I wanted to become. Well that sucked, here I was a blank slate. I wasn't anything who I had been before and when presented with opportunity to recreate myself I had no idea who I wanted to be. That was the best thing that I could have never asked for.

I lived in a tent on a yoga farm, I fell in love with a sailor, I moved across the pacific ocean to an island, I spent six glorious months being my own boss. I had finally reached the core of Me. And then I did it. I decided that I was going to back to work, full time as a corporate recruiter, once again. And guess what happened? I found ME again. That person who I thought I lost, well she was back, full force. Except, now for the first time in 30 years I discovered that I did not like her. Since ejecting her from my life, I no longer wanted her back. I caught myself falling into patterns that were so comfortably familiar yet so depressingly uncomfortable. How had I lived the past 10+ years this way? No wonder I was so insatiable.

So I decided to make a change. I concluded that the root of my internal dishonesty was my career. I quit my job, I think 3 times...yet somehow never left the office chair. Instead, I convinced myself that things would get better and I could create the happiness that I was seeking. All the while, holding on to that feeling of core peace, core Me. Core Me, never returned because the corporate ME pee'd in her cheerios every morning. 11 long months later I gave my final, no turning back, resignation. Except this time I bought a plane ticket the night before to ensure my follow through.

18 months later, I am back in Colorado. In the exact same apartment complex I was in before I left. But the Me who is here, is not the same me who left. I feel different. I think different. I breathe different. The true Me is here and I am oh so proud to say that. Call me crazy, call me what you want, but I understand the difference between who I really am and the person who I created. I owe this giant discovery to a giant break in my plateau. Joe, you at 12 years old, made a decision that I, at 29, could have never made for myself. You understood that there was a different way to live life, a more fulfilling, gratifying way. You had enough courage to walk away from all that glitters to see for yourself it really was gold.

Namaste Joe.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste
The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. "Nama" means bow, "as" means I, and "te" means you. Therefore, Namaste literally means "bow me you" or "I bow to you."