Happy Endings

I woke up this morning with this overwhelming sense of disappointment. It hit me the moment the sun woke me up. It was weird. Usually I wake up and only think about wanting to go back to sleep. But today was different, today all I could think about was failure, lack of action and disappointment. The first two minutes of my day. No excitement. No joy. Just an odd sense of "You suck." I recognize how easy it is to believe your brain and the things it tells you, and let your whole day take on the tone that you had no power over and no part of. But somehow I was able to stop myself. Somehow I was able to really listen to myself and hear the things I was saying to myself. (Right about now, I sound like a nut job.) I was truly having a conversation with myself in my head. Almost like a conversation I would have with a friend. When I said "You've really screwed up a lot of things" and "There is so much that you slack on. So much that you should do but dont do." I honestly felt like I was being scolded. And I think it was that feeling that sparked a reaction in me. I would never expect a friend or anyone for that matter to say something like that to me, so why in the world would I say that to myself? And then it hit me! I've been working so hard lately at making it on my own, without my corporate job, trying my hand at self employment and there are tons of things I wish I would do differently but I have yet to reward or praise myself for the good things that I have done. I'm etching the to-do's in my brain and am focusing on those that remain untouched.

It would have been easy, and perfectly sane, to roll out of bed and get on with my day and not have a full blow argument in my head. But what I realized, in the midst of my argument was, how productive is this negativity really going to make me? Am I going to get up and spring to action because I feel bad. Nope. I'll probably mope around and make a list of all of the things that I haven't done and dwell on it even more. And what about all the things I have done? Where did those go? Why didn't those matter to this negative me, in my head? I then reminded myself that I have recently overcome what used to be one of my biggest flaws. I have mailed my last 5 orders within 24 hours of purchase, some even the same day. I can mail things in a timely manner!!! Woohoo! That's huge for me. That was all the justification I needed to remind myself that I was awesome. And those little things on the list, sure they mattered, but there was no harm done and ultimately meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Once again, I am right where I need to be.

And then, within the hour, our stuff is delivered! Fresh off the boat after the trip across the Pacific Ocean. Everything feels so complete now. My desk. My mannequin. My clothes, shoes, beauty goodies, books, photos, blankets. And my bed. For the first time in almost exactly a month I will sleep in a real bed. Bye bye air mattress. Good night.

Blueberries

My Brother dropped a whole container of Blueberries on the kitchen floor. I found this to be the funniest thing I had ever seen! And proceed to take a photo shoot.You really have no idea how humorous it can be to watch a 6 foot tall dude pick up plump, delicate blueberries one by one as the continue to roll across the kitchen floor. He didn't find it funny. Not at all, while I laughed and snapped pictures the whole time. I still find it funny just thinking about it! 

He was making his after work protein shake, which contains almost every fruit under the sun, or at least what ever we have in the house and about 1/2 gallon of milk. Whole milk. He is on a one gallon of milk a day diet. In an attempt to gain weight. Yup, a diet to gain weight. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the house I have my boyfriend who works out like a mad man and complains everyday about how he can not lose weight. And me, I just eat...when ever I'm hungry...

It's been almost four years since I discovered that I was allergic to Yeast. And oh how my eating habits have changed. At first I simply avoided bread. Then I learned that Yeast extract is used as a flavor enhancer, so I started reading labels. And then the list of foods I could eat was smaller than the list of foods I couldn't eat. But all that was on that list was processed, packaged, and pre-made foods. So naturally I started cooking more, realizing that as long as I cooked it I knew exactly what was in it and I could safely eat it. 

A funny thing happens when you start eating fresh, homemade, real food. Everything else starts to taste like junk. Except chocolate cake. I'll never make a homemade chocolate cake that tastes as good as what I can buy. Anyhow, after cooking so much and eating better most things just started to taste awful. I couldn't enjoy a night out to dinner because I would constantly think,  'I can totally make this better'. 

But then this turned into some really expensive grocery trips, and a pantry full of tons of stuff I only used a pinch of. So I started another change. Work with what you got. I started creating random things, some good, some not so good. I found apps on the ipad that allowed you to search recipes based on the contents of your refrigerator. I started making use out of all the stuff that sat in the pantry, or the back of the fridge, I stopped going to the grocery store as often. I started getting creative. 

The next change that hit me was my disgust for meat. I've always hated cooking meat. It freaks me out. It smells bad. It's full of germs that forbid you to touch things. While I used to rarely buy meat, I slowly stopped buying it at all. I still eat meat, don't get me wrong...there's nothing I love more than a juicy bloody steak. But only if someone else cooks it. 

And the last food change that hit me last year was going organic. I started buying all organic produce and educating myself on what organic means and why it is beneficial. Since being back on the mainland I have started subscribing to door to door organics, which is a company that delivers a box of fresh organic produce to your home as often as you elect. 

Every night my Brother stands over me in the kitchen pitching dinner ideas and side dish suggestions. Begging me to "just go to the store!" to buy a well thought out, wallet stripping dinner. And each night I bounce around the kitchen, from the fridge to the pantry, to the spice cupboard letting ideas dance in my head. He then asks "What the hell are you gonna do with all that?" and usually ads in "I don't like that thing, I don't like those, and I don't even know what that is."  

Last week he wanted fish tacos, I only had tofu, so we had tofu taco. He ate four. Three days later I made stuffed eggplant, which he refused, until it came out of the oven. Each time, never satisfied with the verbal title I give him to describe our dinner. But he never declines the finished product and he never leaves an empty plate.

Moral of the story:

-Eat fresh

-Read Labels

-Cook more

-Work with what you got.

-Get creative.

-Buy Organic.

And lastly...never listen to nay-sayers. Trust your inner chef. 

One Month Anniversary - This life

One month ago today, I celebrated my first day of unemployment. I am proud to say that his month has been more than I ever expected it to be. Overall, everything about me feels better. My bank account has shrunk, but my energy has increased. It took me so long to muster up the courage to leave my job and never turn back. I had the hardest time picturing life without my steady paycheck. Most of all I was afraid of what other people would think. But I guess this is the age when you stop caring about what other people think and do what makes you happy.

This life I am living, takes an open mind that's for sure. But the few things I've noticed so far are: life always goes on, you always make it through, miracles happen everyday, money does not have to rule your life, and time isn't money...money replaces time. I'm proud to have my time. Having time allows me to not spend money. It's funny because when I was working I was always stressing about money. Spending each paycheck before I even received it. I've cut almost everything unnecessary out of my life and money is not a worry anymore. Ironically, the lack of money makes me worry less than the abundance of money. 

This life isn't for everyone, that's for sure. It isn't for people who have fallen prey to consumerism. It isn't for people who have credit card debt and large monthly mortgages and car payments. It isn't for people who define themselves through their career and their image they portray. It isn't for those who are working their way up the corporate ladder to one day enjoy retirement. It isn't for people who have no passion, no hobbies, no ideas. It isn't for those who are striving for the American Dream. 

Years ago Steve Jobs gave a speech to a Stanford graduating class. I heard the speech for the first time on Thanksgiving 2011 as I was sitting at home posting items to my etsy shop, el cheapo Vintage.. Two quotes he said ultimately forced me into making a change, and have stuck with me since then. 

My favorite quote:

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.- Steve Jobs

And the next favorite:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” -Steve Jobs

You can read the entire speech here! It's pretty powerful. 

I am proud of every accomplishment I have obtained in my life. I've completed goals, I've beat odd, I've excelled where others have failed. But my proudest moment, thus far has to be the moment I am living in now. I'm proud to be living my life. Proud to be present in each day not regretting the past or worrying about the future. Proud to have had the courage to step outside of a box placed around me by the society I live in. 

My life this week...

I have had such an amazing week. So much so, that I forgot all about my blog! Oops!!! Well here's the update since last Monday's post.
Monday: Went to Casa Bonita with Miss Brit and her family. 6 grown adults at a children's restaurant. If you don't know what Casa Bonita is, google the South Park episode and it will give you the most accurate representation. Cliff divers, caves, magic shows, puppet shows, Gorillas. Yup, all in one night.
Tuesday: Spent the day Downtown Denver, exploring the city and living the life. Also visited the Downtown public Library, all 6 stories of it. And found some great books on Vintage clothing and the styles through different eras.
Wednesday: Posted 11 new items to my shop, el Cheapo Vintage. A long day of research and photo editing. It also snowed a bit Wednesday, so it was the perfect day to stay in. Once night hit, the snow had stopped so I made my way out for a few errands. Clipped coupons, sent to me by my Momma, and strategically planned a coupon run at the local grocery store. Highlights of the trip were four tubes of toothpaste for .69 each, three containers of my favorite coconut milk for $1.79 each and two bottles of laundry soap for $2.99 each. I'm set! Saved over $50 with coupons on that shopping trip. Lastly, we went to Village Inn, which is like a Denny's but cooler, for free pie Wednesday. Basically, you buy any item on the menu and you get a slice of pie for free. I had orange juice, and coconut cream pie. The perfect, under $10 diner date.
Thursday: Storage Wars! I was dragged out of bed at 8am to go to storage auctions all across town. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And yes, it was exactly like the TV show! People outbidding others, for piles of boxes and bags of clothes with no apparent true value. Amazing how people let ego and competition spend their money for them. I did make one major observation; the later in the day the more cash burns a hole in their pocket. Our first auction at 9am we saw a full locker sell for $60, complete with bed, dining table, power wheels, etc. Our last auction, at 3pm we saw a locker which looked like someone was totally living in it, sell for over $100. The highest locker sold for $800. What a gamble. I'm glad I was an observer and not a bidder. Some people take this game way too seriously.

And Today: Estate Sale Friday. I stayed up until almost 1am last night planning out my purchases for today's Estate Sale. We found a company who post pictures the night before a sale so you can see if it's anything you are interested in. I wanted it all! I researched over 50 items to see what would be the best investment. Ameer was only interested in the guns. We woke up super early, stopped at Starbucks and then drove 45 minutes to the sale. We arrived twenty minutes before the doors open there was a line 40 people deep. I got everything on my list and more. And poor Ameer, the guy in front of him bought all 20+ guns so he didn't even have a chance. Oh the things I found...Probably the most amazing piece is a Vintage wedding dress that I am still researching to determine if it's 20's or 30's. And patterns, tons and tons of vintage sewing patterns. I love this game! Once all of the research and cleaning is done these items will hit my shop! 

One of the many Estate Sale finds today

Things I love.

My usual blog time is in bed, minutes before I hit the pillow. At the request of the man I share the bed with, which by the way is currently a blow up mattress, I will now complete my blog post earlier in the day. Which is good, I guess, because it reduces the chance that I will fall asleep or forget to post at all.

So today's post, Things I love, was brought on by the fact that I am posting from the library. And I love the library. And it got me thinking, there are tons of things that I love. Tons of things that are worth blogging about and sharing for the possibility that someone else would learn to love them too, or already loves them as well!  So here it goes...
Things I love:

• The library- Our library, nearest our house, is brand new at totally state of the art! This place is amazingly cool and I plan on making this my office.
• Chai tea- Not a day goes by where I don't drink Chai tea. I can't afford the daily Starbucks addiction anymore so I only do that a couple times a week now and make tea at home.
• Water- Nothing tastes better than water when I am super duper thirsty. But I can't drink ice cold water, it has to be room temperature.
• Reading 3 books at once- I get bored easily so this is the only way I can ever finish a book is to have three that I rotate through. I am currently reading Before I go to sleep, Shattered Innocence, and Pure Skin: Organic Beauty Basics.
• Working for myself- I seriously love this life and do not know how I will ever be able to go back. I guess when the time comes I will have no choice but for now I will cherish my etsy site, el Cheapo Vintage.
• Thrift store shopping- I've blogged about this before. There is just an amazing thrill to finding amazing things for very cheap. Last Thursday, right after my "I am right where I need to be" post, I was at my usual thrift shop and spotted a 1920's sewing machine. She was gorgeous! I was 2 minutes too late and someone else grabbed her, right as I was approaching her. I walked around the store like a zombie after that and had to remind myself of my Mantra.
• My fuzzy pants- As cold as Colorado is, I am beyond thankful for my amazingly warm fuzzy pants. These aren't your average sweat pants. These puppies are called Mossbud, by North Face and they have fuzz on both the inside and the outside. It's too amazing to even describe.
• Post Secrets on Sundays- If you've never read Post Secret you are in for a surprise. This is a blog, updated every Sunday by a man who has people anonymously send him handmade post cards with a 'Secret' on it. The secrets are amazing. The things people hide are truly mind blowing. I usually stay up late Saturday night to read it first thing Sunday morning. Ah-Mazing. If you have any type of secret in your life, this site will change your perception of things. It's worth a browse. I have several moments throughout each day that pop in my mind as a potential Secret for post secrets. I have yet to conjure up a secret of my own on a creative post card.

• Fiesta Hour at Del Taco- Um yeah. I hate fast food, but I love Del Taco. So contradictory, I know. Well Fiesta Hour is where 10 specific items are half off. So we can eat lunch of two burritos, two taco and a drink for less than $6.
• Slurpees- Nothing makes me feel better when I am in a bad mood.
• Florence and the Machine- Followed her before she hit the States, and now she is a national star. Love the soul behind her voice. And I especially love this video, and wish I could dance like this in public! (Especially at the 1:27 mark) I attempted her Dog Days are Over song at Karaoke one day and LOVED being able to belt out every emotion inside me. I have to say, I think I did pretty damn good too. The secret was, I pretended I was singing at home, in my underwear...like I always do.
• Sia- Ah Sia. She's another international artist I have followed. Her song, Breathe Me, is probably my all time favorite song. Something I would want played at my wedding and my funeral. I love the power behind her little voice. She starts out so soft, then BAM hit you with passion. Right now I have her voice stuck in my head, verses from two of her songs which are tied in my book for my second favorite Sia song. Little Black Sandals at 0:53 is my favorite verse, and her voice is so powerful and so emotional. And I go to Sleep, from the very moment she starts singing, gives me chills.
• Thin crust pizza- I am not even supposed to eat pizza but I've found a way to stop the side effects that my allergy to Yeast produces. I've discovered that if I take Advil 20 min prior to eating, I don't get the headache and to stop the rash, I take a homeopathic pill I found specifically made for "Rash due to food allergies" Ha! Genius!!! My new favorite is Kashi Mediterranean Pizza.
• Hosting Parties- Everyone knows I love hosting a good party. I can't wait to get my apartment situated, after all of our stuff is delivered so I can plan my first party.
• Cooking- Having all of this time, I'm a cooking fool. I'm loving this life and all of the good food that comes along with it.
• Inspirational quotes- I was looking at my cousin Kelly's facebook page today and she had some amazing quotes listed that reminded me just how powerful words can be.
• The word Believe- Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities. Believe in who you are, who you will become and who you want to be. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Believe that miracles happen. Believe that anything is possible. Believe in the power of the universe. Just Believe.

And that's all for today because my time is up on this public Library computer.

Granola

So I can not figure out what is wrong with my blog, but a couple people have been unable to comment. Can't figure it out for the life of me. Anyhow, so far I've missed two days of blogging this year, but that's ok. First missed day was due to being away from my computer all day, and the second missed day was yesterday and that was mainly because I was actually really busy yesterday. As busy as an unemployed person can be that is.

I'm discovering that this self employed business is hard work. It takes every ounce of self control that I have to keep myself on track. And facebook is no help at all. I had a personal goal to get 50 items into the shop by Friday and that didn't happen. I hit 44 items and had one sale this weekend which is great but didn't keep myself disciplined enough to hit the goal. Tomorrow starts a whole new 'work week' so I will get to posting all of the items that I spent 3 hours shooting pictures of today. Mainly household items since my mannequin still isn't here. I miss her.

This weekend was rather productive at home though, I accomplished a lot of the organizing and cleaning stuff I wanted to get out of the way. And I made my homemade granola! Being unemployed has genuinely made me look at money differently. I value it a whole lot more than I ever used to. I have yet to create that budget that I keep telling myself I will, but I have come up with some awesome ways to save money and be more frugal. Which I will share in the future. But I think the most relevant to share is the homemade granola because that is probably my new favorite thing to make! We eat bowls and bowls of granola daily and the healthier the variety the more expensive the box. So I searched for good online recipe and came across a few that just didn't do it for me. But then I found this cute pregnant girl who had a family recipe that she seemed really confident in, so I trusted her and followed her video. She even has a cute title for it, which I think was the most appealing to me. "Good life on a budget" I followed her recipe exactly as she suggested and within an hour I had crispy, yummy homemade granola. I figure if I make this once a week it will save me about $10 a week, because the whole batch only cost around $1 to make when buying the ingredients in the bulk bins at health food stores. Next time I make it I am going to try different variations and flavors, just to switch it up a little.

More on my money saving deals tomorrow!!! Good night!

First Friday

It hasn't even been a month since I left my job, but already the days have blurred together and though it freaked me out at first, I now completely love it. Two weeks ago I woke up early one morning in a minor state of panic. I had no idea what day it was. Then I gently reminded myself that it didn't matter because I had no where to be. But the control freak that lives in my head would not let me go back to sleep until I figured out what day it was. It was Friday. Happy Friday everyone!

I failed this mission of daily blogging, 5 days into the project, because I was not online for 10 seconds yesterday. I actually woke up at 6am, the earliest I've woken up since my last day of work, wait no, I never woke up that early for work. Anyhow, it was 6am yesterday and we were getting ready to head to the mountains to spend two days with friends. It was amazing. I opted to skip the slopes and hit the bar. So while 5 others froze while propelling themselves down a mountain I sat on a cozy bar stool and ate fried pickles and drank a bloody mary. The highlight of the trip had to have been the snow tubing. Being the sissy that I am, I hesitated every single time but I too propelled myself down a large icy mountain. It was 10pm and utterly freezing but so much fun. 

Being back in Denver for over two weeks now, I still have not been able to catch up with everyone who I've been missing. I've spent most of my time in my PJ's at my kitchen table working on my etsy shop. The site is running remarkably well. I am so excited to do something I love every day. In the past two weeks I have been to one estate sale, and three thrift stores. I have a closet full of items that have yet to be posted, and I am hoping that this weekend will be my catch up weekend. I made a promise to myself that I would not go shopping for more items until all of these items were posted! 

My latest success with el Cheapo Vintage came at a complete surprise today when I came back from the mountains. My shop stats hit a record breaking high and I soon discovered that two of my latest estate sale finds were featured on a very popular blog, Retrorenevations. Such an honor to be featured on such a popular blog. 

Tomorrow, Saturday, I think, is gonna be a busy day. I plan to post my little heart out and get all of my listings up to date and also make some home made granola. Should be fun! And of course I will share the recipe.