AcroYoga

July 3, 2010 (Saturday's post, but we didn't have internet access last night)

Saturday’s are our days off, so I did what I do every weekend. Sleep in. Honestly, that was the worst decision I made all day. I was tired, worn down and just out of it all day.

Two of my housemates had plans to take me to see some of the town. We were headed to the Hippie market then the hippie beach. Of course on the way in to town we picked up a hitchhiker, who’s name was totally created after he freed himself from the mainland. Today I heard the saying “Old hippies never die, they come to Puna” Puna is home to more hippies than I have ever encountered. Young and old, smelly and clean, sane and crazy, rich and poor, gay and straight. Every walk of life imaginable. The market was held in an open, outdoor, community center. The booths displayed all handmade items, jewelry, crafts, art, cards, coin purses, and of course food. We received a free smoothie from a guy who is friends with the owners of Polestar. He is a young kid, probably 18, and has a monopoly on the smoothie making around this market. The day before the market, he climbs coconut trees to harvest young coconuts. The night before he makes his famous coconut cream by extracting the juice and the pulp and blending it until it’s liquefied. All of the other fruit in the smoothie he is able to harvest for free off of his land. The one and only thing that he has to purchase to operate his business, cups. He charges $4 for a coconut smoothie that cost him pennies to make. I was just amazed at the ability and desire that these people have to create a sustainable lifestyle from their simple surroundings. They didn’t go out and invest in the stock market, or purchase a franchise. They took what they had around them, threw something unique together and collected a profit.

After the hippie market we went to the beach. First off, they have to warn me that people die there every year because the water is so unpredictable. And we have to walk about 50 feet down a steep hill to get there. And the hippies that hang out there prefer to swim nude. Nude hippies, steep hike down and dangerous water. Sounds glorious. I made it down the hill with no problems, and there were about 20 people sitting along the shore, all of them clothed. What a relief. Now I don’t believe that this was actually a nude beach, I think they tricked me. To my left, a group of dread locked guys roasting a pig in the sand. To my right, a hippie couple sleeping in a make shift play-pen of sorts below a tree. I refuse to get in the water after that delightful warning that was administered to me, so I take a nap. I must have been asleep forever, because when I woke up the crowd was totally different. All I have to say is, Holy Hairy Hippies batman. They were everywhere. Even the hitchhiker was there, nude. It wasn’t that bad, really, just not appetizing in any way. Watching a large group of twenty-something guys and girls, I couldn’t help but think “I wonder what their childhood was like…what their parents are like?” What kind of upbringing creates an adult who chooses a lifestyle of beach dwelling and public nudity? Looking at them I couldn’t help but think that they were privileged in some way growing up, maybe even sheltered. I find it hard to believe that anyone who grew up with nothing would want to live as an adult with nothing. They had to have been kids who had everything except freedom and individuality. The kids who went to private school and summer camp. The kids who resented their parents for everything, and appreciated nothing.

The last event of the night was a Kirtan meeting. This is where a large group gets together and sings devotional songs in English and some in sandskirt. I sat and listened and watched and felt worse and worse about my day. All day I’ve felt foggy, and just weird about everything. I always thought I was out going and personable but today I felt extremely introverted. Just lost. Suddenly I felt like I lacked self esteem. I’ve always been a pretty confident person, but right then, sitting there I felt the same way I did when I was 19 and realized I had no self esteem. I worked so hard over the last ten years and have created a very confident girl. But here, that girl doesn’t exist. I realize now that I created a costume of confidence. A costume made of expensive makeup, $200 jeans, high heels, straight shiny hair, and distracting surroundings. None of which are present at this moment. It’s just me, faced with myself. No makeup, natural hair, plain clothes and nothing to distract me. Just me, facing myself. I was confident in who I created, not who I was.

I excused myself from the singing room and went to the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and saw the real me, not the created me. Finding confidence in the real me is a whole new task. It’s easy to look at yourself in the mirror, all made up and fashionably dressed and feel beautiful, confident and strong. But if that is the only time you have ever called yourself beautiful, you feel unattractive when it’s all stripped away. And when you feel unattractive, you feel self conscious and feeble. Training my brain to feel the way I feel made up is going to take some work. Let’s face it, we all feel better when we look good. But if I’m planning on spending a whole month looking like shit, I better change my mentality. Like Marianna said in the garden Thursday “Isn’t this horse manure beautiful?” I guess it is possible to see beauty in shit.

While helping clean up after the Kirtan, I was approached by one of the participant. His name was Joel, and he is the first hippie on the island who I have encountered who wears jeans. He asked me if I had ever tried AcroYoga. And before I could complete my two letter answer he asked “Do you want to try it? You’re a perfect candidate!” I said “Sure I’d love to try that sometime” Still not knowing what the hell it is. Then he said “perfect, you’re even wearing the right clothes” He meant right now!? Next thing I know I’m flying in the air like the game airplane we played as kids. From uncomfortably close below, he instructs me to relax like a rag doll. Easier said than done when you’re hoisted in the air by a stranger. So I took a deep breath and let it all go. Everything. While his feet held me steady above the ground, he used his arms to twist and contort my body directions beyond what can be done lying down or standing up, . After about 5 minutes, he let me down and wow…I have never felt so good. I love yoga, but yoga takes effort and work. This was someone else doing all of the work for you to reap all of the reward. I truly felt like myself again. Strong, confident, beautiful, amazing. I’m not sure how he knew I needed that, or why he asked me to randomly practice yoga but it was exactly what my body and my mind needed to feel like myself again.